My-Serendipity.net - Echoes in the Silence

Through the mental fog he saw the commotion, the increase in flashing lights, the uniforms paired up and working, yet he heard nothing but the rhythmic beating of his heart as it echoed in his ears. Sitting with his eyes closed on the back of the Fire Chief’s Suburban, Hayden mindlessly twirled his bracelet. He breathed in and out and found solace in the self imposed darkness. She was with him there, smiling, carefree. The dark was a happier place than the fog.

A gentle touch on his shoulder pulled him back to the deafening sounds of reality. "Mr. Christensen?" Another new police officer, how many were there now?

"Please…it’s Hayden," he sighed. More times that afternoon than he wanted to count, he’d corrected them one by one.

The officer nodded, he was older with an expression that seemed to match Hayden’s mood. "They’ve righted the vehicle and will load it onto the tow truck soon. Any personal effects you want should be removed from it before then. Would you like us to do it or maybe your family?"

"I’ll take care of it officer, thank you."

"Mister…uh, Hayden, if I could say how very sorry I am." Hayden nodded but the officer continued. "Folks that do what your wife and her partner do, well, they’re a gift from God. I think they have a little extra something that makes them the most powerful at a time when no one else is."

Hayden nodded again, this time with a smile creeping back. There was comfort in being with people who understood. "I couldn’t agree more. Thank you, again."

The officer nodded and walked away, Hayden not far behind. Eric was talking to yet another uniform and Tove was on the phone, making the calls that Hayden couldn’t bear. As he walked to the smashed remains of Melissa’s truck, he bent to pick up her favorite travel mug from the grass. Warm from the sun, the feel of it in his hands caused his mind to flash through all the times he stood at the drivers door, passing it’s hot contents to her before she drove off to help someone. He would kiss Melissa goodbye before going to Kona, secured in the back. ‘Take care of her,’ he’d say. ‘Take care of each other.’

He did that now, talking to the pebbles of broken safety glass and the twisted remains of a wire crate. Running his fingers over the dried stains of spilled blood, he closed his eyes and saw them leaving together as they always did. "Take care of her. Take care of each other."

"They will," the response startled him back to reality. It was Eric, using only one crutch and in visible physical pain. "We both know it." Hayden nodded slightly in response. "There’s nothing left for us to do here. Let’s get their stuff and go."

As Eric handed him a paper bag, the fog returned, rolling in and keeping him from seeing the details of what he pulled from the back. Blindly he grabbed a duffle and then another, he rubbed his fingers against the smooth nylon of Kona’s collar before sliding it into his back pocket. He put her blankets in the bag, ignoring what was on them. His fingers found thin plastic with something inside and shoved it along side the blankets. A pillow, sleeping bag, all brought into the sunlight by numb fingers.

Turning his back on the mangled crate, he found everything he had pulled being carried by a few of the firemen up to the Suburban, leaving him with only the last two items. Beth joined Eric, carrying the bag he had collected and they all walked back to the road. Sliding into the SUV as the Chief started the engine, they tried hard not to look back.

No one spoke and no phones rang as they made the drive back to Port Huron and moved the bags into the Tahoe Eric had rented. "Let’s go try and eat something," Tove suggested. "We need to all get on the same page again."

Hayden knew he was referring to all the calls and plans that were made without him. As much as he wanted to play ostrich and bury his head in a dark hole somewhere, the controlling side of him had to know that they were doing absolutely everything they could.

Passing a small diner on their way to the hotel, they decided it was as good as any and went in. Much to their surprise, there was Jason nursing a cup of coffee at the far end of the counter, eyes fixed on the pages of a magazine. He looked engulfed in its words, so they followed the hostess to a booth by the door with Hayden preparing to hear all that he had been ignoring.

Tove had spoken directly to George, who he reported was ‘stunned but completely supportive.’ Worried about the press frenzy that would surely start, George had opened the Ranch to both families. Eric confirmed his parents were already there. Hayden’s had recently boarded a flight with his sisters.

Adam was in direct communication with the Port Huron police liaison and preparing a statement on Hayden’s behalf, but he would hold off until he saw news come through the press wire. Per George, changes were already underway to starwars.com, creating a splash page with the ‘Missing’ poster and information on it that would go live immediately following any statement from Adam. Posters and alerts had gone out to the hospitals, veterinarians, and animal shelters to the next four cities west of the crash with more to come. It seemed like everything was covered. So, why did none of it bring any comfort?

He ate without tasting, drank without feeling quenched, breathed because it was involuntary. Nothing was satisfying so he sat, held captive by his inner thoughts. The tender touch of Beth’s hand on his brought him back to the table as they prepared to leave. "You need sleep." That wasn’t what he needed, but he followed as they all stood.

"Sir, I have something for you." The waitress had returned with a receipt for a bill that he never saw and a legal size manila envelope. She put the black plastic check tray on the table and handed the envelope to Hayden. "There was a gentleman at the bar a little while ago. He asked that I give you this before you left."

Prying up the thin metal tabs of the clasp, he pulled out several color 8x10 photographs with a post-it note stuck to the top one.

Your face tells the story.

Hope lives within her.

It’s in you too.

-Jason

Carefully peeling the yellow square off the glossy print, he looked down on Melissa and Kona on a pile of destroyed cement blocks, rebar sticking out and twisted, concentration etched on their faces. Flipping to the one that followed, they were there again. Jogging, side by side, in perfect stride, on what could have been any street in any town. Sliding it to reveal the next, Melissa in the same t-shirt and shorts, they were posing for a picture with a group of people in front of a line of tents. Her smile looked as a genuine as those gathered around her.

Reluctant to leave that moment he moved to the last picture at what he recognized as the small ice cream shop not far from their home in Los Angeles. He was there, sitting across from her at white wrought iron table for two, a shared bowl of ice cream in the middle. Between them, Kona sat on the sidewalk, head rested on the table, eyes fixed on the ice cream. They were laughing. He remembered that day, that moment, the sound of her laughter.

"Where was this one?" Beth asked of the debris search.

"Mexico" was the tandem answer from the two men who were there with her. Hayden and Eric’s eyes met as they remembered the day before the picture, when an aftershock had shaken that same debris, pulling the partners into it. Death could have taken her from him then, but it hadn’t. The next day she was right back out there.

As they passed the images between them, Eric chuckled at the group photo. The other three didn’t even try to hide their confusion. "This is the line for Star Wars," he laughed again, now at the bewildered faces staring back at him. "These are the people who camped out for the first show of Episode III. Keepers of a film tradition, they are camped out for tickets and shows even though they are in an age where you can buy them online. To have the family of the star come by and actually stop…man, I bet they’re still talking about that."

"I still talk about when I first met her, so who could blame them."

Tove had been mostly quiet, but finally spoke what he’d been trying to rationalize. "You know…I’ve never seen any of these before. They are tabloid gold but not in any magazine. Why wouldn’t he sell them? I mean, not just when he took them, but now…"

"I think its called privacy and compassion," Beth answered, "and a gesture of good faith."

"She was right about him," Hayden sighed as he looked back at the picture with the fans. "She was right about all of them." He felt a hand on the small of his back that hadn’t been there before.

"Allowing herself to linger in fear would only hold her back. She depends on all of us to worry for her." Best friends since childhood, Beth had unique insights that always proved to be right when it came to Melissa. "Come on, let’s get some rest."

Carefully putting the memories back in the envelope, they made their way out and back to the car. The scent that hit his nose when the door opened reminded him of the person no one thought to call. The name escaped his lips without context. "Kate." The disappointed reactions confirming that this was one that hadn’t been taken care of. "She can’t find out from the news. Give me a few minutes."

While they others got into the car, he walked away and dialed his phone. He had avoided all the other calls, but this one he needed to do himself. Kate’s husband Tony had been Melissa’s mentor in Search and Rescue. His partner, Fancy, was Kona’s mother. Since Tony’s death from aggressive cancer, Melissa made it a point to keep their personal ties strong. A grounding source of reason for his wife and a human grandma to Kona, Kate and Fancy were family.

It was the first time he had to tell the full story to anyone and it was worse than he’d imagined it would be. Kate didn’t cry openly to him the way he’s sure Leigh and Ally had when they were told. When long silences filled the line, he wondered if the crying had been worse. Offering to bring them both to the Ranch to be with the rest of the family, he heard her sniffle.

"Thank you, but we’re ok here for now. Promise me something though. If you need us for anything, you’ll call."

"Of course," he said softly.

"Hayden…Kona picked her, you know. She saw her walk in and practically jumped into her arms. They were meant to be together, to look out for the other, so that’s what they’ll do."

"I know but please know that I won’t rest until they’re both home. Looking out for them is what I do."

"You are always there when they need you and trust me I know how hard that can be sometimes." The lightness had returned to her voice and it soothed Hayden’s tattered nerves. "Go rest up, tomorrow is a new day."

"Any time, day or night, if you need anything or change your mind about coming up, just call me, ok?"

"I will. Thank you."

The scent hit him again as he opened the car door. Kona’s blanket and equipment mixed with jasmine, the sweet smell of his wife. Had he taken care of them, really? Self assured on the outside, those doubts surged forward when his mind was quiet. Guilt is a plague of the psyche, waiting for weak moments to spread.

Riding to the hotel was short and silent, everyone sneaking glances at the other. Drained of their emotional reserves hours before, the pressure of tomorrow looming, all needed sleep but wondered if it would happen.

Back in their room Hayden listened to the water hitting the tub from Tove’s shower. Stepping out of his jeans, he laid them over the chair and pulled Kona’s collar from the back pocket. Rubbing it between his fingers, the tags jingled with a familiar melody as he placed it in front of the ice cream shop picture. "I’m here," he offered the empty room, pulling the covers over him, "but I need you. Talk to me…"

He had been battling exhaustion, relying on adrenaline to keep him moving. The patter of the shower spray, the quiet room, cool pillow, they all worked on exhaustions side. Claiming their victory, Hayden slipped quietly off to sleep, hoping for dreams of happier times to come.