Parts 15 & 16

"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face..."
-W.B. Yeats

*Part 15

The time Melissa and Hayden had spent together in Southern California was a turning point in their foundling relationship.  Both had opened themselves up to the possibility of better and greater things to come.  Their resolve was evident during their time apart.  Still maintaining their recursive letter, it began to take on a deeper meaning.  Email gave them a chance to say the things they were still too insecure to voice when they spoke on the phone.  More than anything, they were able to listen to the unsaid words and know that their time apart would soon end and when they were together again, it would be worth the wait.

Hayden had returned to Toronto, busy working and preparing for the hectic months to come.  He had a movie due to premiere and the preparation for filming the last Star Wars movie was ramping up.  While he was excited at his projects, Melissa remained forefront in his thoughts.  She had finally sent him her schedule for Chicago and he was on hold with his travel agent to book his flight when Tove arrived, peeking over his shoulder at the dates Hayden was booking.

"Whoa little brother - you do know that's the weekend Mom's planned that big shindig for your birthday, right?" he questioned.

Hayden was sure that Tove was wrong, his birthday would fall between the two weekends and he was convinced the party was the weekend after Melissa's visit.  Tove insisted, even calling his mom to double check.  When there could be no more doubt, a crushed Hayden hung up the phone. 

While it wasn't a birthday of any significance, he had been away from home so much that his Mom really wanted to do something special this year, there were even a few of his relatives flying in.  It seemed everyone wanted a little piece of his time before he started filming again...but all he wanted was time with Melissa.  Reluctantly, he picked up the phone again and dialed.

"Hello?" She sounded like an angel and he hated himself for what he had called to tell her.

"Hey Lissa."  His tone was so flat that she wasn't even sure if it was him...and he never called her Lissa.

"Hayden?  Is that you?  Are you ok?"

"It's me," he said.  There was a long pause before he continued.  "I hate this...  I can't meet you in Chicago."

Melissa's heart sank.  She had been getting through their weeks apart by focusing on the upcoming weekend and now, it seemed, that wasn't to be.  Her mind raced.  "Why Hayden...what's wrong?" she finally choked out.

Apologizing profusely, he explained the mix up. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could just skip it," he lowered his voice before adding, "I miss you."

With her heart sinking and her mind trying desperately to find a solution, all she could muster was, "I miss you too," and then it came to her.  "What about if I came to you?" 

"Really?" his voice rising, "You would do that?"

"You were going to do the same for me, right?  I can fly to Toronto and get a hotel.  When you're busy with your family I can sightsee with Kona and when you're free, I'll be close."  While it seemed a noble gesture, it was purely selfish for Melissa.  She had never missed anyone the way she missed him.

"I would love that, except you can't just sit around waiting for me - family or not, I'd like you with me.  Sound ok?"

"Very ok," she laughed.

The time passed quickly after that conversation.  Melissa changed her flight plan to include Toronto and Hayden had called her nearly every day that week making plans.  She had booked a hotel in town but when Hayden told his parents that she was coming, they made it a point of insisting that she and Kona stay with them.  When they finally boarded their flight to Chicago for the search seminars, she was a bundle of nerves.

"Relax Lissa, you're a mess," Beth said trying to calm her friend.

"It's his parents, Beth, I'm going to MEET his parents!"
 
"Yes, and they are people just like you," she grinned.  "Remember that.  He is crazy about you, they will be too."  With a warm hug for her friend, Beth practically pushed Melissa onto the plane.

Luckily, the seminars kept her mind occupied during day, but at night...well, night was always difficult.  Looking at her Disney picture on the hotel nightstand, she would snuggle up with her pillow, close her eyes and wish it were Hayden holding her as she drifted off to sleep, safe in his arms.

Back in Toronto, Hayden was scattered to the great amusement of his family who had never seen him more nervous.  His mom had planned out where everyone was staying, splitting up visiting family between the apartment that Hayden shared with Tove, the Christensen family house, and Hayden's grandmother who lived nearby.  With Melissa and Kona staying at the family house, Hayden had 'volunteered' his room at the apartment and would be occupying his old room at his parents.

Without any planning, it seemed that everyone was arriving within hours of each other at the airport.  Hayden would pick up Melissa, who was to be the first to arrive.  Hayden's parents and sisters would pick up two sets of Aunts and Uncles, accompanied by assorted cousins, a few hours later.  Borrowing his brothers Pathfinder so he would have room for Kona's travel crate, Hayden felt his nervousness turn to anticipation as he made the drive to the airport.

Waiting at the terminal, Hayden began to notice how people greeted each other as they disembarked the plane.  As an actor he loved watching people, learning about them.  Glancing up at the arrival board, it looked like he was going to have lots of time to do just that - Melissa's flight was delayed.  Hoping everything was all right, he headed over to the check in desk. 

He knew from conversations with Melissa that she was nervous about flying commercially with Kona.  When the search team was forced to fly, they did their best to secure military transport whenever possible, allowing the dogs to fly with the handlers.  Commercial flights required dogs to fly as cargo; a point Melissa was adamantly opposed to.  The attendant was quite helpful, letting Hayden know that they were delayed because of high winds out of Chicago but that they were on their way.

Staring out the window of the terminal Hayden had to laugh.  Melissa had asked him if he could stop time, but now it seemed that she had done that very thing, for certainly if time passed any slower, it would stop.  At last he saw the plane rolling up to the terminal and his heart began to race.  All the people who had been waiting began crowding the waiting area, watching for their loved ones.  His eyes never left the door as the planes occupants filed through, finally spotting her. 

She looked radiant.  Her hair was tucked behind each ear so that he could see the features of her face and the way her smile lit them up.  Dressed in jeans and a sweater, a backpack flung over one shoulder, he watched as she stopped to talk briefly with the attendant.  Seeming content with the response her eyes began searching for Hayden, finally spotting him already looking at her with that smile she so loved to see.

Making a direct line for each other, he wrapped his arms around her, lifted her off the ground and spun them both around.  When Melissa's feet finally touched the ground their lips met with a crash of wants and needs that left them out of breath. 

"Miss me?" she asked with a playful grin.

"Hmmm...maybe," he said with a smirk.  "Did you miss me?"

"Oh...maybe just a little bit," she finally laughed, loving that their relationship had a dynamic that allowed them to not always be so serious. 

Hayden took Melissa's backpack and with their arms around each other, they turned to make the walk to baggage claim to pick up Kona.  They made it only a few yards when Hayden heard his father's unmistakable voice.

"Fancy meeting you here," the elder Christensen said with a chuckle.  "We just wanted to make sure we got here in time you know."

"Good try Dad," Hayden laughed.  He was sure they had come to the airport early to see the woman responsible for current lack of concentration.  "Mom, Dad... this is Melissa Hamilton.  Melissa, these are my parents."

Shaking hands over the small barrier surrounding the café where they were enjoying a sandwich, Hayden's dad replied. "It is really nice to meet you and we're glad you could make it."  None of them appeared to be uncomfortable, which relieved Hayden.
 
"Thank you for offering to let us stay at your home," Melissa said.  "I think Kona is a bit fed up with hotels at this point."

"We had better go get her," suggested Hayden, "she's going to be pretty annoyed,"

"Ok son," his mom smiled.  "We'll see you both back home."

As they watched the young couple walk away, arms still wrapped around the other, and they nodded knowingly to each other.  They would never admit to Hayden that they had seen the whole scene play out having arrived early and not knowing Melissa's flight had been delayed.  Nevertheless, they were happy to see their son with someone who seemed to be as crazy about him as he was about her.

By the end of the night, everyone had arrived safely and was at their respective places of rest.  Hayden's parents said their goodnights, leaving the house quiet and Hayden and Melissa curled up on the couch together - an exhausted Kona fast asleep on the cool tile of the fireplace hearth.

"Ah... finally," Hayden whispered, leaning over to kiss Melissa.  "I thought I'd never get you alone."

"Oh, but I'm glad you did," she answered quietly, turning her body toward him slightly and returning the kiss.

During their time apart the two of them had thought of nothing more than they had of this moment.  There was no rush to leave a closing island, no threat of overzealous paparazzi, just the two of them, alone to explore their growing feelings.  Their kisses were slow, deliberate and full of exploration, each one more packed with promise than the last.  Running her hand slowly down the length of Hayden's chest, Melissa felt the end of his untucked shirt.  Remembering how good his hands had felt on her skin, she slowly slid her hand under it, gently brushing her fingers across his stomach, smiling into their kiss when Hayden reacted with a soft moan.

His skin was so soft, so smooth, and so hot under her touch.  She soon felt Hayden's hands on her back, the feeling for both so overwhelming that they felt as if they were melting together.  She realized that wherever her hands explored on his body, his would soon follow on hers, a detail she was determined to capitalize on.  Slowly she moved one hand over his ribs and around to his chest where she let it rest while she placed kisses down his neck to his shoulder.

She felt his hand begin to move toward her chest but Hayden stopped and looked down longingly at her, his eyes alone asking the question.  "It's ok," she whispered, reading his thoughts.  As his hand came to rest lovingly on one breast, their lips returned to each other, their kisses growing more passionate, more needy.  They simply couldn't get close enough...that is until they heard someone in the kitchen.

"Are you two still up?" they heard Hayden's younger sister Kaylen ask.

"Yeah, enjoying the quiet," Hayden answered trying not to sound too out of breath.

"Well, I got hungry.  You should get some sleep - it's a full day tomorrow," she advised.

"We'll keep that in mind kid, thanks," he answered, not looking toward the kitchen, afraid his appearance would give them away.

They heard Kaylen leave and go back to her room, both erupting into hushed laughter when they heard her door close. "That was close," Melissa offered.  "She's probably right, but I hate to waste any time away from you just for sleep."

"Come here," he offered, grabbing a pillow and laying down on the couch.  Melissa laid down facing him and, using his chest as a pillow, was soon drifting off to sleep comforted by the sounds of his breathing.  He hadn't wanted to be away from her either.  "Sleep well," he offered, kissing her forehead.  Feeling her nod, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

*Part 16

Hayden awoke the next morning, still holding tight to Melissa, finding them now covered in a blanket that he had no memory of getting.   "Uh oh," he thought to himself, "this might require some explaining."  Looking down at Melissa and how relaxed and content she appeared, he decided it didn't matter, that seeing her like this would be worth whatever ribbing he would receive from his family.  Careful not to wake her he slid off the couch, covered her back up, and made his way into the kitchen were his Dad was enjoying a cup of coffee.

"Sleep well son?" he said suggestively.

"Dad, come on," he pleaded.  "I hadn't seen her in weeks, we stayed up late and crashed on the couch.  That's it," he added for emphasis.  He almost hated to ask, but he needed to.  "Thanks for the blanket Dad."

"Oh, that was your mother," he replied with the answer Hayden had dreaded.

"Dad, I'm sorry," he offered, suddenly apologetic for thinking he had put his parents in an awkward position.  "Nothing happened..."

"...you just wanted to be with her," his father interrupted.  "I know this is going to surprise you son, but your mom and I were young once too.  The two of you are exceptional young adults, with experiences that we can't comprehend.  If being together makes you happy, then that's all your Mom and I want."

"Thanks Dad."  Hayden's father was always supportive, but often reserved in his advice.  While he wasn't sure what had prompted the little confessional, Hayden accepted it graciously and poured himself a cup of coffee, enjoying the time with his dad until he heard Melissa stir on the couch.

"Morning beautiful," he said sitting down next to her.  "Sleep well?"

"Uh huh..." she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"Dad made coffee, do you want some?"  Melissa's eyes flew open at the embarrassed realization that the family knew they had spent the night on the couch.  "It's ok," he assured her, "everything's fine," and Melissa sighed in relief.

Running her fingers through her hair to straighten it, she passed on the coffee, explaining to Hayden and his dad that Kona would be impossible all day without their morning jog.  As if to confirm her statements, Kona appeared at the edge of the kitchen, holding her leash in her mouth and sitting patiently, eyes fixed on Melissa.

"See what I mean?" Melissa laughed.  "But if you have tea, I'll take you up on that when we get back."

"You don't know your way around here, what if you get lost?" Hayden asked, concerned.
Melissa and Hayden's dad couldn't help but laugh as she simply pointed to Kona, as if to say that wasn't really a problem.  "Well, ok," he acknowledged, "but maybe I'd better come with you, just to make sure."

"You want to jog with me?"

"Sure, why not," he answered, not quite sure what he had gotten himself into.  He soon found out, Melissa having taken him up on his offer. 

The three returned home just over a half hour later, Melissa joking to the family that it was ok, she knew CPR if Hayden didn't recover soon.  It was a standard 5 mile run for Melissa and Kona, both of them were fine, but it was a bit much for Hayden who's work outs had been limited to weight training, not cardiovascular work.  Giving Hayden a bottle of water, Melissa excused herself to take a shower, leaving him alone to fall under the watchful eye of his grinning parents.

"You went jogging with her," his mom said, "that was sweet.  Honey, how come you never jog with me," she joked to her husband. 

"Because like our son here," he laughed, "I don't jog."

"Ok, enough," Hayden panted.  "Geez she's in great shape - that was nothing for her - I had no idea.  I mean, she told me she jogged every morning, but that was WAY faster than a jog."

"For the type of work that she does, I would imagine she would have to be serious about keeping in shape," his mom chimed in.

Hayden's parents were acting strange, first his Dad and now his Mom.  He wasn't sure what they were getting at since he hadn't talked to them at any length about Melissa's work with the team, choosing to share more of their Disneyland trip with them than anything else.  On the few occasions when Melissa would share a search story with him, it always came across as extremely personal for her and sharing that without her blessing just didn't seem right.  In the end he convinced himself he was just reading too much into his parents comments and headed off to the shower, still trying to catch his breath.

For the next few hours the house prepared for the onslaught of people.  Hayden had spent time in the backyard with his dad and brother setting up tables and cleaning the pool, while Melissa remained inside helping prepare food.  She was getting along well with Hayden's mom, who seemed so down to earth that Melissa regretted having had doubts about meeting her.  As the people began to arrive she was happy to find them all very open and gracious.  The only challenge they had was one of Hayden's young cousins, an adorable little girl who seemed to be about 3 years old and was absolutely terrified of Kona.

The family watched as Melissa put Kona in the garage and sat down on the grass with young Megan, explaining on her level that it was Kona's job to find little girls, just like her, who were lost and were missing their Mommies.  "Would you like to get lost with your Mommy and have Kona find you?" she asked.  "I promise you, she would never ever hurt you."  The little girl nodded tentatively, never letting go of her Mom.  Melissa went to get Kona, not watching were they had decided to hide.  Giving her a scent from Megan's jacket, Hayden watched as Kona went to work, cris-crossing the yard, Melissa right with her.

Within minutes Kona lay down in front of a clump of overgrown bushes and whined, never breaking her gaze on the brush.  Melissa followed, peaked through and smiled, knowing Kona had found them.  That was all it took for Megan, she and Kona were inseparable the rest of the day, spending it playing hide and seek.

Melissa wasn't sure how many people came through the house that day, but they sure were a fun group.  They ate far too much food and played a game of softball that somehow managed to include Kona when they ran short of outfielders.  When Hayden blew out his birthday candles, she couldn't help but wonder what he was wishing for, but when he glanced at her with a devilish smirk, she came up with some pretty good ideas.

Hayden's older sister, Hejsa, cut the birthday cake while Melissa scooped ice cream, the first lull in the day's activities giving people a chance to really talk.  Melissa loved that it was a day for family and friends, everyone catching up on what had been going on with everyone else, not just an onslaught of people asking Hayden questions. 

"Mawissa, how did you meet Hayden?" asked little Megan, seemingly prodded into the question by her grinning mother.

"I met him at an awards show."

"Did ya like him?"

"I did," she said, smiling at the memory.  "He brought me some water and even brought a second cup for Kona."  As a chorus of "awww"'s filled the yard, Melissa looked over and noticed Hayden blushing, a flash of heat washing over her at how striking he was.

Feeling the need to explain, Hayden followed up with, "Well hey, would you want to get on her bad side?" motioning to Kona, who looked anything but imitating while licking Megan's ice cream bowl.

"You were at an awards show?" Kaylen asked, "Hayden didn't mention you were an actress."

"Oh, I'm not an actress, that would be a move that would kill the movie industry," she laughed.  "Kona and I were part of a documentary that was being featured, so we were invited.  I met Hayden in the lobby and we had a quick dance at a party after."

"Wait!" smiled Hejsa, "I saw that picture in People!  That was you?  That means you're part of that search team from Silent Heroes, the ones at Ground Zero.  I saw that," she paused for a moment before adding, "There are no words..."

Hayden saw Melissa flinch slightly before she answered, not really sure why she seemed to get so uneasy every time the documentary was mentioned.  "That's us...along with our team of course," she finally responded.

"Ground Zero huh?" asked another cousin, a boy about thirteen who seemed wiser than his years.  "What was that like?" he asked, a seriousness in his tone that caught several members of the family off guard.

"Like nothing you ever want to know," she replied honestly.

"Still though, it must be cool to see your face on a movie screen," Hayden's Uncle mumbled, his mouth full of cake.  "It's great that you two can share that as a common experience."

Hayden moved closer to Melissa and whispered, "Let me help you with that," taking the ice cream scoop.  Having him closer helped her, just as it had the night they met.  She wondered how he always seemed to know when she needed him.

"I wish it were a common experience," she replied.  "I can watch Hayden's movies all day long.  Don't even ask me how many times I've seen Star Wars," she managed to laugh, "or how I cry at the end of Life As A House every single time I watch it.  The documentary isn't like that...in fact I've only seen it once and the idea of watching it again kind of makes me ill."

"Why?" the Uncle persisted, "What's it like?"

Melissa thought for a moment before answering.  "It's like watching the death of your innocence with every frame of film, knowing that simply rewinding it won't bring it back."

The older people in attendance all nodded knowingly, probably remembering back to whatever world event changed the way they looked at life.  A speechless Hayden was standing behind her and he did the only thing he could think to do.  Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her back against him.  It was his way of telling her that he was there for her and, as he felt her relax, he knew she understood. 

As local family and friends started to leave, Melissa started to help in the clean up, only to be tapped on the shoulder by Megan's mother.  "I hope you don't mind," she asked, "but would you mind doing me a favor?  You were so good with Megan, I was wondering if you could talk to my son, Justin" motioning to the boy who had asked about New York. "He has it in his head that being a hero is all flowers and accolades.  He wants to be a rescue person like you, or a fireman.  He doesn't believe me when I tell him about what's involved, he says I can't know because I'm not a part of it.  I've heard he shouldn't see the documentary..."

"You want me to tell him about what it's like?" she questioned. Hayden squeezed her hand for assurance, ready to defend her to his aunt should she decline.  "Sure," she said quietly, "I can try."  Squeezing Hayden's hand in return, she let it go and went to talk to the young boy.  Listening with his Aunt, Hayden soon understood why she reacted to the documentary the way she did.  They watched as the young boy listened, growing more excited as she talked about getting Kona and how she trained her.  The boy hung on Melissa's every word, obviously hearing what he had wanted about much fun that portion was.

"What is she doing?" the aunt asked Hayden.  "She was supposed to tell him how it really is."

Unsure why he knew, but knowing anyway, Hayden told his Aunt to be patient, that Melissa probably had her reasons.  She had succeeded not only in gaining Justin's full attention by the time she started to talk about New York, but Hayden and his Aunts as well.

"I want you to try and imagine being called out to your very first search," Melissa started her story, "boarding a plane with your canine partner, and flying across the country, ready to apply everything you've learned and trained for.  When you land, it's dark, but you start to work anyway because there are people who need help.  You have to stop every hour and wash out your dog's eyes and nose because the glass filled ash that continues to fall from the sky is blinding them and keeping them from breathing.  You wrap their feet because the debris is cutting them to shreds, but you keep going back.  You have a job to do.  You can't stop to sleep because every time you try, the voices of the lost echo through your head calling you back to them, pleading for help."

"Now imagine that your dog, bleeding and tired, somehow finds a scent through all that ash and takes off.  You get your hopes up and you follow, tapping energy you didn't know you had.  You dig, your dog digs, your team follows and they dig, and finally you find a hand..." a smile crossed Justin's face.

"Yeah," he said, seeming excited.

"...but it's only a hand." Melissa continued, noting the sick look on Justin's face.  "A hand that, just the day before, had held a baby, combed a child's hair, or hugged someone goodbye.  You know that hand belonged to someone who's missed, who's worried about, and who's never coming home."  Her tone dropping slightly, Melissa continued. 

"It is up to you to encourage your dog, who doesn't want to search anymore because all they're finding is death and their reward is life.  It is up to you to remember what finding anything will mean to a family looking for the missing.  It is up to you to keep going even though your heart is broken."

 "Why do you do it?" he asked, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes.  "If it's so horrible, why do you do it?"

"Because I believe that's what I'm here to do and I love it.  There is good in it, there is hope, but you have to be prepared to take the very worst of the bad.  You have to know that with every search you're going to leave a piece of you behind and take a piece of it with you, and you have to be ok with that.  You have to put your entire heart into it and, by doing that, understand that leaves it unguarded and easily broken.  There is nothing nobler than wanting to help people Justin, but you have to be ready to do it for your own reasons, not because it sounds glamorous, because it's not."

Justin continued to wipe at his eyes.  There was so much more she could tell him, but she felt like she had started him thinking and it was time to stop.  Nodding at her, he got up and walked over to his mom who hugged him and took him inside.  

Hayden simply stood there watching Melissa for a moment, well aware there were tears forming in his own eyes and his arms were covered in goose bumps.  He wanted to help her, but was too stunned to know what to say.  He looked down at his own hands, thinking of what she had said and wondering what she thought about when he touched her.  Finally he went over, knelt in front of her and took her hands in his.  She could see the wetness in his eyes and wondered what he was thinking having heard her tell Justin things she had never told him.

"I need to tell you something," he said seriously, waiting until she was looking at him before continuing.  "Kona ate your cake."

Melissa couldn't help but snicker and it felt good to smile.  "Oh well...you're fired then.   No more watching Kona for you," she followed the joke, but turning serious long enough to kiss him.  "Thank you...you always seem to know what I need."

"I think you need more kisses," he grinned.

"See what I mean?  You always know..." she smiled, standing up to hug him.  Brushing her fingers over his lips before kissing them she added, "Tonight, when it's just us...anything you want to know, I'll tell you.  I've always wanted to, but the timing never seemed right."

Hayden merely nodded, holding her tightly.  He felt her grab his shirt in her fists, holding onto him with a need he had never sensed in her before.  "With you beautiful, everything is always right..." he said burying his head into the nape of her neck, still holding on.

From the kitchen, Hayden's parents watched having overheard everything through the open window.  While they had only just met Melissa, they knew more about her than they let on and were happy to have met her.  Her life was vastly different than their sons and they had wondered if a relationship between them could work.  Standing there watching the two embrace, they knew there would be no more wondering.