Parts 17 & 18

"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face..."
-W.B. Yeats

*Part 17

For the first time since early that morning, the Christensen house was quiet.  Kaylen had decided to spend the night at a friends house and Hayden's parents had 'turned in for the night' as soon as everything was cleaned up.  Hayden and Melissa decided to enjoy the clear night, so they grabbed sweatshirts and headed for a lounge chair in the backyard.  Sitting between Hayden's legs, Melissa leaned back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. 

"Kind of feels like the Matterhorn," she snickered, "minus the killer snow monster that is." 

"Nah," he replied casually, "we were only on the Matterhorn for a few minutes like this.  Tonight we can be here as long as we want.  I like this better...although the snow monster is pretty cool."

"Cool enough to give up extra time with me?" she pretended to pout.

"Nothing is worth that," he said seriously squeezing her tighter, kissing her lightly on the neck.

They rested together in silence, enjoying the stars and each other, before Melissa encouraged him back into conversation with a simple "What are you thinking about?"

"How you handled everything today.  Between my parents, who were acting pretty strange, my Uncle and his stupid questions, and my cousins...I don't know how you did it.  I keep thinking about how hard it was to listen to what you told Justin and I can't imagine how much harder it was to say, much less fathom how it is to live with."

"There are days when I don't handle it very well and other's when I do...thankfully, today was a good day.  The day we met was a not so good day - until you showed up that is.  I hope what I said made sense to Justin.  There is so much more I could have told him, but it seemed like he understood and there was no point in scaring him." 

"What didn't you tell him?" he asked.

Melissa thought for a moment about how to best answer that, she could go for hours about the things she hadn't said.  "I didn't tell him that it never stops, that there are nights when I close my eyes and hear people calling for help.  I didn't tell him that there are still days when I can't drink enough water to wash the taste of the ash out of my mouth."  She stopped for a moment afraid of what she was about to say, but determined to be honest with him.  "I didn't tell him that there are days when I can still smell the death..."

"You've seen things no one should have to..." he spoke softly to her, "I wish I could have been there with you."

"Nah," her voice nearly a laugh, "If you had been, who would make me feel better now?  You'd be as messed up as I am."

"I love it when you laugh."

"Changing your tune aren't you?  I thought you liked it when I smiled," she joked.

"Well, a laugh is just a smile with sound...besides, you changed your tune too."  He was trying to turn the tables, but it just wasn't quite working.

"Me?  How so?"

"I remember very clearly you telling me that you saw my movie, note the singular, and you told George at the Oscars that you had seen Star Wars, but tonight you talked about Life As A House."  With a melody to his voice he added, "I think somebody fibbed."

"I did not.  I told you that when we met and I really had only seen Star Wars.  Beth rented Life As A House a few weeks later.  It was classic actually, we didn't know that it was you because you looked so different.  I figured it out first."

"How did you do that?"

"You have the most stunning eyes," she confessed.  "Even all that make up couldn't hide it.  Oh!  Hey!  I almost forgot!" Suddenly excited, Melissa turned around so that she was sitting cross-legged in front of Hayden.  Taking a small box out of her pocket she handed it to him.  "Your birthday present."

"You being here is my present," he looked uncomfortable as he gazed upon the small box.  "Really, you didn't..."

"I made it for you, so you have to take it," she grinned, "no one else would understand it."

With his curiosity up, he took the small box and unwrapped it, grinning up at her, his eyes bright.  Opening it revealed a thin leather bracelet.  The band was rolled black leather the size of heavy twine, strung on it were turquoise stones that separated silver medallions in shapes that Hayden didn't immediately recognize.

"Wow" was all he could muster, visibly touched by the gift.  "You made this for me?"

"Yeah, but there is a story that goes along with it, and I have to size it to your wrist, if that's ok." 

Without hesitation he put his arm in her lap so she could measure the bracelet and change the placement of the sailors' knots used to create a loop that, when tied around a small ring, acted as a clasp.  "So, what's the story?"

"The New York searches did a good job of rattling the teams nerves," she began.  "No one really talked on the way home, I think everyone just really wanted to be with their families.  A few weeks later, when we got back to practice, we all started talking about what we could do so that if something ever happened to us, the people we cared about would never forget how much we cared for them.  One of the guys came up with these surfer bracelets, because they're made to be worn all the time and could be customized."

Melissa put the newly adjusted bracelet on Hayden's wrist and went back to her tale.  "We decided that each bracelet should tell a story, something that the person wearing it could look at and remember as unique - an encounter that only they had shared with the person who made it.  So, before I left for Chicago, I made this for you."  Her voice dropped a bit, taking on an apologetic tone.  "I've never dwelled on the risks that come from what I do, I knew they were there, but they never bothered me until I met you.  While this isn't anything fancy, it was important to me that you have something that I made...just for you."

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" he asked softly, his fingers toying with the bracelets stones.  "I knew from the minute you stepped out of the limo at the Globes that you were special, that's why I followed you when you went to the lobby, I just had to talk to you."

"You followed me?"

"Yeah," he admitted bashfully, but quickly turned serious again.  "What do you consider the best thing you've ever done?  I mean honestly...of all the things, what would you do again, without even thinking about it?"

"Everything I did that caused my life to take the path that led to you."

"Now I said honestly," he laughed, but stopped when he realized she wasn't.

"I told you tonight that anything you wanted to know, I would tell you."

Hayden leaned forward and kissed her, brushing his lips across hers as if tasting a bit of something so sweet, you dare not rush it.  A succession of tender kisses that left Melissa lightheaded from the sensation.  "This is so perfect... I'm never taking it off," he said fiddling with his bracelet once more. 

"It won't do you much good if you can't figure out the symbols, so look at it and tell me what you think it is."

He didn't have to think on it long, the first memory he had thought of during her explanation was what he found on the bracelet.  "The tree house at Disneyland..." he said, catching his breath at the memory. "The day you lost your heart."

"The day you found it," she smiled.

"Melissa?" he asked, leaning closer to her, intensity in his eyes she hadn't seen before.  "Next month is the premiere of my new movie in L.A.  I can't think of being there without you...not anymore.  Will you go with me?"

Moved by the emotion in his voice, Melissa could only nod for a moment before finding her own voice.  "Premieres seem like pretty big deals, the ones I've seen are normally just the actors with the occasional spouse..."

"...or girlfriend," he interrupted, his eyes beginning to plead his case.  "If you can put up with me.  I know it won't be easy, we're a few thousand miles apart normally, and with filming this summer I'll be gone even more..."

Putting her fingers across his lips to stop his nervous rambling, Melissa finished for him.  "Nothing worth having is ever easy," she smiled.  "You have to put up with me too you know.  I have this nasty habit of disappearing at the drop of a hat..."

"We can do this...we can make it work," he encouraged.  "Will you try with me?"

"I haven't turned you down yet, have I?"

"I'll take that as a yes," relief filling his voice.  "You do know I'm crazy about you, right?"

Moving to lay down beside him in the narrow chair, Melissa rested her head against his shoulder before giving him a teasing reply.  "I do now..."

"Come here," he whispered, guiding her face to his, kissing her with tenderness only capable when it comes openly from the heart.  With each kiss their commitment to each other grew, as did their resolve to make their new relationship work.  If they could count on nothing else in life, they knew they could count on each other. 

*Part 18

Melissa had stopped counting the number of times she had woken up thinking she were in Hayden's arms.  The pressure against her cheek she had always imagined to be his chest, her arm comfortably resting across some kind of material that always ended up being her pillow.  Today was different though, today her arm was moving and her pillow had never done that.

Remembering in a flash that she and Hayden had curled up on his bed the night before and fallen asleep.  Opening her eyes she saw him, still sleeping.  His chest gently rising and falling with each breathe.  Melissa watched, taking in everything about his face, burning it into memory to get her through the weeks when they would be apart.  Propping herself up on one arm she yearned to reach out and trace the contours of his face.  She wanted to run her fingers over the squared line of his jaw, to feel the brush of his eyelashes across her skin, to brush the stray hairs back around his ear.  More than that, she wanted for it to always be this way, but she knew she was going back home the next day and wanted to keep this moment for as long as she could.  Lying back down, resting her head against him, she waited for him to wake up.

Her mind was still digesting everything that was happening between them when she became aware that it was now him that was watching her.

"My turn," he smiled. "What are you thinking about?"

"Us," she replied simply, "How good it feels and how unbelievable it all seems.  Too bad it can't always be this way."

"You could always move here," he joked, serious under the surface.

"Are you here that much?"

"No," he sighed, "not really."

Their stirrings had not gone unnoticed by Kona, who was now poking Hayden's neck with her cold nose trying to get his attention.  "I think someone is ready for a jog," Melissa laughed.  "Do you want to go?"

"What you do is not jogging," he smirked, "why do you run so fast anyway?"  Melissa could only shrug her shoulders.  "Well, how about if I stay here and start breakfast?"

"You cook too?  Oh man, catch me, I'm gonna swoon," she mocked, bringing her wrist up to her forehead with a dramatic flip.

"Very funny."  He rolled over suddenly, lying fully across her body and dropping his voice to a husky whisper.  "Pancakes," he said seriously, his eyes focused on hers, "I can make pancakes." 

"Oooooh," she said seductively, "with syrup?"  Coherent speech was difficult for her, his body felt so good pressed against hers.

"Definitely with syrup," he whispered, slowly starting to kiss the line of her neck to her ear, "If you get any on you, I could always lick it off..."

"There is a talent we might need to explore," and she started to giggle.

"Giggling?  Not exactly the desired response," he grinned.  "Now tickling, that should lead to giggling..." and before Melissa could think, she was trying to squirm away from a barrage of tickles.

Interrupted yet again by Kona, Melissa gave up and prepared for her jog, kissing Hayden before leaving.  "Do you need me to stop and get more syrup on the way back?" she offered with a coy grin.

"Go!" he demanded, "Before I don't let you!"  He listened to her laugh as she closed the door.

While mixing the pancake batter, he was soon joined by his Mom.  He poured her a cup of coffee as she sat down at the table.

"It's nice to have you back home for a while," she started.  "No one else ever starts breakfast but you.  I hope Melissa likes pancakes."

Hayden caught her smile out of the corner of her eye.  "I've never met anyone like her before Mom."

"I'm not sure there is anyone else like her son.  She seems like a remarkable young woman.  You've never really talked about how you met.  Melissa said something about you bringing her dog some water?"

The whole experience at the Globes made more sense to Hayden now, knowing it was the movie footage that had caused her to seek refuge in the lobby.  He told his mom everything, from seeing her on the carpet, to their dance at the party, even telling her how he had set about finding her.  She was clearly interested in knowing what was in her son's heart but, when Hayden's Dad joined them, the conversation changed.

"Alright!  Pancakes!  Good to have you home son!" he had laughed, looking around.  "Where's your friend?"

"She's gone for her run, she should be back any minute, her shoes probably on fire from going so fast."

His mom laughed.  "She really gave you a run for your money yesterday didn't she?"

"Yeah, I'm going to have to work out more if I'm ever going to keep up."

"You planning on seeing her enough to jog with her?" his Dad asked.

Hayden had dreaded this, but he needed to get it out for his parents to digest before Melissa came back.  "I've asked her to be my girlfriend," he said with conviction in his voice.  "We know it won't be easy, but we're both willing to try.  Dad, you said yesterday that if being together made us happy, then that's what you and Mom wanted..."

"How can you be happy if you're apart so much?" his Dad replied.  "Are you going to stop acting and traveling?  Is she going to stop doing what she does?"

"David..." his mom interrupted.  "Hayden, I think what your father is trying to say is that relationships take a lot of work, and distance only adds to that."

"No, what he's trying to say is that he wants me to get an office job, settle down..." he glared at his dad.  "That isn't my life Dad, it's yours."

Before the disagreement could progress into a full-blown argument, the trio heard the front door open and Kona bounded toward the kitchen.  "Mmmm!  Pancakes!" Melissa smiled at Hayden's parents, caught off guard at the looks on their faces.  "Good morning," she said, moving closer to Hayden.  "Anything I can help with?"

"Everything's fine," he said kissing her lightly on the cheek.

Melissa sat down at the table and was immediately put at ease by Hayden's mom.  "So, what made you get into search and rescue Melissa?" she had asked.

"I was kind of born into it," she laughed.  "My mom is a nurse, my brother is a firefighter, my Dad had an office job, but he's retired now.  All of them have always volunteered.  If Mom isn't working, she goes to searches to help where she can.  Dad and Eric, that's my brother, they drive rescue jeeps - those big 4-wheel drive numbers that don't need to be bothered with roads."

Hayden served the pancakes and sat down at the table to eat, loving his mom even more for making Melissa comfortable. 

"What sort of education do you need to do that?" his dad asked.  Melissa couldn't help but notice the glare that Hayden gave in his Dads direction.

"I have to be current with CPR training and carry an Emergency Response Card from the Red Cross.  Then there's wilderness survival training, search and rescue theory, man tracking, and helicopter safety.  Oh, and all the map reading, compass use and radio lingo.  Not to mention that I had to apprentice before I could even begin to train..." she replied. 

"Were your parents upset that you didn't go to University?" he prodded.

"You mean college?  No, they weren't upset..." she looked over at Hayden, who was already grinning knowing what she was going to say.  During one of their extended phone conversations they had talked about this very thing.

"Really?" his father questioned.

"You're assuming I didn't go."

"Well, you said..."

Melissa interrupted, knowing that education was important any parent, maybe a little too important to Hayden's father.  "You asked what I needed to do search and rescue and I told you.  I actually graduated early from high school and finished college while I was training for the team.  I have a degree in Architectural Engineering, but that doesn't mean I use it or even that it means anything to me."

"Why have it if you don't use it?" the father continued, Hayden and his mom watching silently.

"For my parents.  They thought it was important and I didn't want to let them down.  It's a nice accomplishment, but to be honest, I wish they regarded the accomplishments more personal to me, the ones that look heart and not brains...the ones that I cared about doing."

Mr. Christensen was quiet, thinking about what she had said, when Hayden's mom made her opinions clear.  "Parents only want things easier for their children, sometimes we forget that the struggle is what made us who we are."

"I have a plaque in my room that says 'To have a child is to live forever with your heart outside of your body.'" Melissa added.  "My mom gave it to me when I joined the team.  It reminds me that even when my parents don't make a lot of sense, they're just trying to look out for me."

The remainder of breakfast was pleasant and the conversation light.  Melissa clearing the table and starting the dishes after Hayden's parents went to get dressed.  "You are perfect," she felt his breathe whisper in her ear.

"Perfectly stinky," she laughed.  "Kona ran me ragged today.  Speaking of today...what's on our agenda?"

"Do you like Hockey?"

"Actually, I've only ever been to one game, but it was a lot of fun."

"The Leafs are playing today," he said, referring to the Toronto Maple Leafs.  "Mom thought it might be fun if we took the cousins to the game.  I think all the "grown-ups" are going to be sitting around gabbing today - not much fun for kids."

"I've done enough talking...let's go to the game.  I like your cousins."

"And they like you too..." he grinned pulling her close to him and kissing her deeply, "but you're all mine."

"Is the game really necessary?" she gasped.  "We could stay here all day and just do that."

"Probably wouldn't have the same effect with my cousins running around," he smirked, kissing her again.  "But we still have tonight..."

Melissa knew next to nothing about hockey, but she knew one thing - her thoughts certainly weren't going to be on the game, but on her last night in Toronto with Hayden.