Parts 29 & 30

"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face..."
-W.B. Yeats

*Part 29

The hurt that shone through Melissa's eyes at Ground Zero was something that Hayden never wanted to see again.  It was a pain so deep rooted that he wondered how she managed it and marveled at the strength that very task had to take.  It had taken them the rest of the afternoon, but as they walked back to their hotel he heard more stories of her time in this healing city.

Exhausted from the emotion of the day, Melissa had fallen asleep in Hayden's arms.  Finding his own comfort in holding her, he drifted in and out of sleep that night.  He should have been thinking of the show he was doing that next morning, but his mind was still digesting all that she had told him.

Before dawn Melissa woke to find him already awake and staring at the ceiling of their room.  "A puzzled mind my Jedi has," she mocked, doubting there was a Star Wars fan around who didn't enjoy talking like Yoda on occasion.  "Clear his thoughts, he must," she added climbing out of bed.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Come jog with us," she answered seriously, offering her hand to him.

"But the sun isn't up yet."

"Preciously," she grinned.

Far too sleepy to question her, he got dressed and they made their way out of the hotel and up the block, which led directly to Central Park.  Melissa kept the pace slower for Hayden, patiently waiting, knowing that as each minute passed, he was that much closer to understanding.  As the sun began to rise, he stopped suddenly in his tracks.  She jogged back to stand next to him, saying nothing, just watching as the sunrise topped the trees. 

"I love you," he said simply, turning to look into her eyes.  "You have a way of putting life...my life, into perspective."

"Our problems are small compared to the rest of the world love.  Sometimes we just need a little reminder that we're still here for a reason."

"Fresh starts...new hopes and dreams, right?"

"Exactly," she said with a quick kiss before jogging away.  "Now come on, pick up the pace there Darth - you have a show to do!"

"Oh, you don't even want to see my dark side sweetheart," he joked chasing after her, both laughing so hard they nearly tripped.

*****

Later that morning they arrived at yet another television studio, this time Hayden was to be a guest through two segments of 'The View,' an hour-long morning talk show.  While he was whisked off to make-up, Melissa found herself pulled aside by the shows producer.  It seemed that the hosts wanted to talk to her briefly during one of Hayden's segments, but they had asked for her permission.  She agreed, almost immediately hoping she hadn't made a mistake.

Seated in the front row, as the show began, Kona was resting quietly on the floor, once again using Melissa's foot as a pillow.  Meredith Vieira, Lisa Ling, Joy Behar, and Star Jones were the shows hosts and the first segment was dedicated strictly to them chatting.  Each had their own very distinctive personality from level headed Meredith, to fiery Star, they were so different that they blended perfectly together.  Hayden was introduced at the start of the second segment to a roar of applause that made Kona sit up to look.  They watched as he answered what seemed like all the same questions about the last Star Wars movie, the one coming up, and about Shattered Glass.

"You've been all over the world now, either promoting Star Wars or filming it.  Along the way I'm sure you've seen sites that most people only see in pictures."

"I've been very fortunate," Hayden had interrupted Lisa's question, and looked immediately embarrassed when he realized what he'd done.

"What is the most amazing thing you've ever seen?"

"My girlfriend at sunrise," he answered without delay.  Leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, he began to motion with his hands, emphasizing the intensity of his words.  "The sun at dawn changes everything.  The way it makes her skin seem that much more porcelain, how it's gold brings out the highlights in her hair, even the little gleam in her eyes is more intense.  Honestly, I have never seen anything more remarkable than how a natural act can improve on natural beauty."

The ladies of The View were speechless for a moment, not having received the answer they expected.  "Now, at moments like that aren't you supposed to be watching the sunrise?" Meredith asked, breaking the silence.

Hayden suddenly looked very bashful, putting his hands together, biting slightly on his lower lip and shrugging his shoulders.  "Yes, actually.  The effect is the same though, in those few moments, I'm reminded that anything is possible."

"I'm quite certain you've been found out," Joy laughed.  "We're going to take a short break and we'll be right back for more with Hayden."

Melissa was shocked.  In all the interviews she'd seen him do, he had never delved that far into his personal feelings.  As surprising as it was, she was flattered by his compliments and happy that his romantic side was showing more.  When the director gave the 'all clear,' Hayden looked at her and mouthed, "I'm sorry."  She couldn't figure out why, but she smiled and gave him a wink, hoping that he knew it was ok.

Hayden nodded and smiled in return as they started the countdown to come back to the show.

"We're back with Hayden Christensen, star of the new film 'Shattered Glass' and the upcoming 'Star Wars, Episode 3.'  Today we are honored to have two special guests in our audience.  Please give a warm welcome to Melissa and her partner Kona, who are making their first trip back to the city after being part of the search and rescue efforts of 9/11.  Melissa, welcome."

Now was not the time to be caught off guard, but Melissa was.  She had expected questions, not an introduction.  "Thank you," she managed to stammer out as the applause faded, hoping this would get easier.

"This is your first trip back, how is it going for you?" Meredith asked.

"Better than I imagined," she struggled, trying to think of a way to elaborate.  "The last time we were here it was all work, while this trip has been a lot of fun.  We've been to Greenwich Village and The Empire State Building.  This morning we went for a jog through Central Park."

"Have you gone back to see the clean up?"

"Yes," her voice turning sullen.  She looked to Hayden for strength and, finding encouragement in his eyes, she continued.  "We went yesterday.  The physical appearance had changed, but not the feelings you get while you're there.  Having been a part of that changed everyone - from the people working the pile to the ones watching on television.  No matter how difficult though, it was still an honor to be a part of."

"For those that don't know, you are a member of K-9 Search and Rescue, based out of California, but you flew in the day of the attacks to help."

"Yes, our entire team came."

"You keep referring to 'we', is that you and Kona?"

Melissa couldn't stop the smile, thankful that the hosts had led her right where they needed her to go.  "For several years that's been true, but recently 'we' turned into three - the two of us and my, ummm...well, my boyfriend."

"So, he's with you on this trip?"

"Technically, I'm here with him, he had business here."

Joy seemed to be the one with the biggest sense of humor and the one who seemed to have the most fun.  "I would love to be able to say we scooped the ever diligent press corp.," she said with a sheepish grin. "However, this weeks People has two full pages with pictures of you and your other half."

With a boyish exuberance in his voice that made the audience giggle, Hayden raised his eyebrows and said "Wow!  Really?"

"Actually, it's coverage of the 'Shattered Glass' premiere," Star said, joining in the fun.  When the audience let out a collective sigh of comprehension, she confirmed it.  "So, Hayden, how do you manage a relationship when you live 3,000 miles apart?"

"Large phone bills," he laughed.  "Honestly, I'm really not sure that either of us can answer that.  We know that we love being together, so we are as often as we can manage."

It wasn't long after that they started taking audience questions.  Melissa had expected some, and she wasn't disappointed.  Several focused on search and rescue, while others were curious about the aspects of her relationship with Hayden, both of which she answered as completely as she could without going over what she considered to be a tasteful line.  The last question she was to answer ended up taking the most thought as it was something she had never considered.

"If you could change one thing with regards to the searches of 9/11, what would you do differently?" a young woman asked.

"Technically, nothing," she offered back.  "I'm convinced, more so now than ever before, that there was nothing we could have done differently that would have resulted in more recoveries.  Emotionally though, I should have talked more about the experience sooner than I did.  Holding in everything that happened was too much.  I expected people to not understand because they weren't there, but I'm realizing that if they love you enough, they will understand because they'll hear it in your voice and see it in your eyes." 

The last question posed to Hayden wasn't much easier.  A young man wanted to know what was the one thing that came with fame that he hadn't expected.  "I think how little I would be in any one place," he answered in a solemn tone.  "I really don't feel like I live anywhere - I visit my parents, I visit Los Angeles, and I work on movie sets.  I was able to stay in Toronto for an extended period recently and it was nice to be able to feel like I was home again."  Satisfied with his answer, the young man nodded and sat down as the segment ended.

"We'll be right back, with some great music from Rascal Flatts," Lisa said, sending the show into a commercial break.  The studio really hopped into action during the short 3-minute break.  The band took the stage and the hosts moved to the aisle steps, Hayden opting to sit on the step next to Melissa.

When the break was over, there was a quick intro before the music started - upbeat pickings of a steel guitar.  Hayden rested his arm on Melissa's leg, quickly starting to tap her knee to the beat with his fingers. 

Shine on, shine on, shine on me
Whenever something's missing
You're exactly what I need
Your love has shown me the light and now I finally see
So shine on, shine on, shine on me

Melissa looked down as he took her hand and laced his fingers through hers.

Lord knows that I'm not perfect but I sure do try
And I see the man that I can be in your eyes
Well there are times I still get lost in yesterday
But you put the past behind me and you light my way*

As he squeezed her hand, she leaned over to his ear and whispered, "That works both ways you know," and she swore his eyes twinkled.

When the song ended, so did the show with a few closing comments from Meredith.  "We want to thank our guests today, Rascal Flatts and Hayden Christensen.  Before we say goodbye, we have a few things to pass on to Melissa and Kona."  From backstage, two men came out each carrying a large box full of letters.  "These began arriving as soon as it was announced that Hayden would be here, but they are all addressed to you." 

Visibly shaken, Melissa nodded and tried to hold back the tears that wanted to fall.  Hayden covered for her, gleefully announcing that they had 'reading material' for the flight home.  After the director gave the all clear he went right back to her and gave her a hug.  "It's ok," he said softly, "they just wanted to say thank you." 

Hayden spent a few minutes signing autographs after the show before they headed back to the hotel with the boxes.  It was after lunch and neither had eaten, so they grabbed a handful of letters, a Frisbee for Kona, a picnic lunch from room service and walked to Central Park.

While Kona soaked up the warmth of the afternoon sun, tired from a Hayden's Frisbee tossing, the couple took turns reading the letters.  Some were donations to the search team and others were simple letters of appreciation.

"Is this what it's like to get fan mail?" she snickered to Hayden.  "This is so odd.  You do what you feel you were put here to do, and people thank you for doing it."

"You don't get used to it either, for me, acting is as natural as loving you."  He took a deep breath, laid down and propped himself up on one elbow.  Picking a blade of grass and twisting it around his finger, his eyes concentrated on it instead of Melissa.  "Do you think you could ever get used to my life?"

Melissa looked over the top of the letter she was reading, surprised to see Hayden still bending the grass.  Putting the letter down, she leaned over and lifted his chin up so she could look him in the eyes.  "Everything that is a part of you I want to know and experience.  I certainly don't expect it to always be easy."

"We'll never have the type of life that we both grew up with," he said, still manipulating the thin blade.  "Family dinners in the same house at the same time every night."

"Since when am I dating your dad?" her words catching his attention.  He changed positions, lying on his back and using Kona's chest as a pillow, he stared blankly at the clouds.  Scooting next to him and leaning across his chest, she continued.  "We have the lives we want, doing what we love to do and we have each other.  If we build on that, however it ends up, it will be how it's supposed to be.  Maybe it won't be like we had...maybe it will be better."

As a smile crossed his face, he brought his hand up to caress her cheek.  "How am I ever going to let you go?"

"Should I be worried? Is this really an option?" she laughed slightly.

"We go back tomorrow," gently reminding her, "and we're back to being apart again.  Being with you these last couple of weeks has felt so right."  He tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat.  "How do we handle it when it's wrong?"

"Oh love," she whispered, leaning forward and brushing her lips across his.  "The same way we always have, by focusing on the things that make us smile rather than frown." 

Sliding his hand behind her neck, he guided her head close to his and captured her lips in a kiss so passionate that it left her weak.  "That makes me smile, can I focus on that?"  Melissa was still dazed, able to only nod.  "Oh good," he grinned, kissing her again.  "Since you're in a mood to nod, will you come to Australia this summer?  I know you can't come for the entire time I'll be there, but will you come visit?  Two months without you would be unbearable."

With a quick flip of her head, Kona licked Hayden's cheek, causing them both to laugh.  "I think she just answered for me," Melissa smiled.

"I swear she knows what we're saying," Hayden mused.

"Of course she does.  The problem isn't her understanding us, it's us understanding her."  Her tone turned to a playful one.  "Australia huh?  Do you know anyone who could show me around while I'm there?"

"I'm sure Tove will do it," he answered quickly, playing along with her joke.

"Hmmm.... the older brother.  Say, that could be fun..."

"Uh oh... I can see you're loosing focus," so he kissed her again.

His touch made her feel helpless and powerful all at once.  With each brush of his lips, each caress of his fingers, each breath on her cheek, he drove her to a place where she felt safe, loved and wanted.  There was no distance that could make her forget that feeling, no memory that could take its place.  She only hoped that he felt the same way.

* "Shine On" by Rascal Flatts

*Part 30

In the three weeks since she and Hayden had parted, Melissa started to learn to live with the shift her life had taken.  No more did she skirt around her memories of New York, instead she chose to share them with her family the way she had with Hayden.  The changes in her were obvious to Beth, even before the friends had a chance to talk.  Simply by looking into Melissa's eyes, Beth knew she was hopelessly in love and happier than ever before.

Hayden called from Toronto everyday like clockwork.  It didn't seem to matter how long they talked or even if they had anything to say, but both were happier after hearing the others voice.  While he prepared for the summer abroad, Melissa went back to work at the veterinary hospital, spending every extra moment working with the search team just as she had always done.

Though many things in her life had remained the same, one part had changed drastically and Melissa was deliberately keeping it from everyone but Beth.  Her first week back, she and Kona went to their usual training session and Karen handed her a stack of letters that had come to the teams post office box.  Thankful that she had chosen to open those letters once she was home, Beth was there to hear her gasp and see her drop the handwritten note. 

"Hayden is too good for you - you don't deserve him.  BACK OFF!" Beth read the note out loud.

Beth had wanted her to call the police but Melissa had declined.  "Probably just a heartbroken teenager," she rationalized.  "I'm sure it won't happen again."  Unfortunately, she had been wrong.  The next Wednesday she went to work to find another letter in the hospitals stack of mail.  Handwritten yet again, this one was vulgar and even angrier.  It was also addressed to Melissa by full name, where the other had simply been 'to the attention of Melissa.' 

Beth was working at the University Hospital that day, but Melissa told her about the new letter as soon as she got home.  Beth had given her no choice, calling the police for her.  "Whoever this is, knows where you work Lissa," she had reasoned.  Melissa met with a detective the next day, giving him the notes and their envelopes to see what, if anything, he could find out. 

While she would never admit it, Melissa was scared.  She swore Beth to secrecy, not wanting to worry her family or Hayden, and waited for the next Wednesday to see what happened.  Much to her relief she went to work and found nothing.  She went to training and found nothing.  She began to breathe easily again, secure in the fact that the teenager had a new crush and would be leaving her alone. 

As she and Kona turned onto their street that night, Melissa saw a sedan parked outside that didn't look familiar.  She walked in and found Beth seated at the table with the detective that she had given the letters to.

"Lissa," Beth started.  "There's a new letter and it came here."

Melissa went pale and sat down before her legs gave out.  "Here?  At our house?" she questioned.  "This person knows where we live?"

"I didn't open it Lissa, I just called Detective Landis."

The detective held up the note in a sealed evidence envelope for her to see.  "We're going to send it to the crime lab - I've opened it using gloves and you should know that the sender is now threatening you.  There will be a car patrolling your neighborhood for the next few days, just keeping an eye on things."

The girls thanked him and as he left, the phone rang.  "That's going to be Hayden.  Lissa, tell him what's going on."

"No," she said simply.  "Not over the phone.  He'll worry about something he can't do anything about.  The police are outside and Kona is inside - it will be fine."  Answering the phone, she spoke to Hayden like nothing was wrong, listening to the details of his day.  After they hung up Melissa and Beth both headed to bed, lasting about 15 minutes before meeting each other in the hallway.

"I don't want to be alone in there," Beth said. 

"I know.  Me either.  How does a slumber party sound?"  Melissa offered, barely getting the words out of her mouth before Beth accepted.  Climbing into bed together they felt better.  Kona curled up on the foot of bed, her nose pointed toward the door.  Knowing she was keeping watch helped to ease the girls worries.

It was now only a few days after receiving the last letter and Melissa was waiting at the airport for Hayden and his parents.  With all of his business complete in Toronto, he would be spending a couple of weeks at George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch in preparation for the start of filming.  There were costume fittings and rehearsals to deal with and, while all of that could have been done at the studios in Australia, George didn't like to be away from the serenity of his California home for longer than absolutely necessary.

Vowing to tell Hayden about the letters as soon as they had some time alone together, she pushed the worry from her mind and thought only of wrapping her arms around him again.  She had missed him so.  He and his parents were going to be spending the night at her house, and everyone was invited to a 'kick off' barbeque at the Ranch the next day.  There was certainly enough to keep her mind off the pestering letters.

As people started to disembark the plane, Melissa waited and watched, her excitement growing as each person walked past.  She spotted him as soon as he cleared the door and it took him only a moment to find her.  Turning his walk into a jog, they met midway, falling into each other's arms, Melissa holding him tighter than she ever had.  Breathing in the musk of his cologne and feeling the soft ridges of his shoulders, every worry vanished in that instant.

"Whoa...someone missed me I think," he said pulling back enough to run his finger down her nose before kissing her.

"Guilty." 

"I missed you too," he said returning the tight hug.  He had no idea how safe he made her feel, but he knew how much he had missed the feel of her body next to his.

"Ahem!" David interrupted behind them.

"Oh my gosh!" Melissa gasped.  "I'm so sorry!  Where are my manners?"  She greeted David and Ally with cordial hugs, telling them how happy she was to see them again.  She and Hayden simply couldn't stop smiling as they picked up their luggage and made the drive to the house.

As they pulled into the driveway, the patrol car passed by slowly and Melissa was the only one who ignored it.  She opened the front door and Kona bounded out, jumping on Hayden, clearly excited to see him.  "Someone else missed me!" he laughed, grabbing his bags from truck.  They had all nearly made it in the house when the patrol car rolled past again.  "Hah...wonder if he's lost," Hayden joked not noticing his parent's very serious glances to each other. 

It was late by the time everyone got inside.  Beth made some herbal tea and the group occupied themselves with a small amount of chitchat before collectively turning in for the night.  As Beth headed upstairs to her room, she called Kona to come with her, which she did, licking Hayden and Melissa's hands on the way. 

"What's going on?" a confused Hayden asked.  He had never known Kona to willingly leave her partners side.

"Beth hasn't been sleeping well, Kona is keeping her company," she said, skirting around the issue of why she couldn't sleep.  David and Ally went to bed as well, following Beth and Kona, leaving the couple alone in the living room.
"So...tell me what's been going on while I've been away from you."

"Far more than you want to hear about tonight," she sighed.  "But you're here and everything is better when I'm with you.  You're always with me when I need you the most."

"Always will be.  Now tell me, are you having trouble sleeping," he purred.  "I have ways of making you tired..."

"As a matter of fact doctor, I have had some trouble getting to sleep.  Just what is your prescription?"

"Me" he smirked. 

"That sounds like a remedy I could handle" she winked.

"Oh...I was hoping you would."

Melissa stood up from the couch, took his hand and led him to her room where a single candle burned.  Guiding him to the bed, she laid down next him, staring at the flicker from the flame reflecting in his eyes.  She took his hand and kissed the tip of each of his long fingers, moving closer to him.  Running her fingers through his hair, placing delicate kisses on his forehead, down to the tip of his nose.

They seemed to spend their time apart, dreaming of the moment they would be together again, each time the power of their love overtaking them.  His lips captured hers, how he loved kissing her.  Pressing his body against her, he moaned softly as he felt her hands sliding under his shirt and up his back. 

His skin was softer than Melissa remembered, but just has hot under her touch.  As his lips kissed a path down her neck and shoulder, she closed her eyes and forgot about everything but him.  She found that safe place again and, being with him, she found her smile.  The lingering effects of each kiss on her skin driving reality further and further away.  Almost as if in dream she heard a noise downstairs.

"Did you hear that?" she whispered.

Hayden mumbled what she thought to be a 'no' and continued kissing along her collarbone, but the floor creaked again and he couldn't deny hearing it.  "Sounds like someone is downstairs - probably Beth." 

"No, you would hear Kona's nails on the wood."

Hayden wouldn't argue that - if Beth needed Kona to sleep with, he couldn't imagine the dog leaving her side.  A quick glance at Melissa's face and Hayden saw fear for the first time in her eyes.  "Hey...it's ok, it's probably my parents.  I'll go check."

"NO!" There was no way she could let him go, but she had to convince him of that.  "You are probably right, but let me find out for sure."  She got up and walked slowly toward her door, only to find Hayden following her.  "I'll be fine," she assured him.

"You're probably right, but let me find out for sure," he grinned, unaware of how much she loved him right then.

Making her way down the first section of the stairs, she paused on the midway landing before continuing.  With a deep breath she turned the corner and ran right into another face and screamed jumping back into Hayden's waiting arms.

"Jesus sis, calm down!" Eric whispered.  "Here I am trying to be quiet and you're screaming like you're living in a horror movie.  Hey Hayden, good to see you again."

"Crap Eric!  If you had made your usual racket I would have known it was you.  You scared me!"

"Obviously."

Her scream had brought the whole house running.  "I'm sorry - it's just my dipshit brother," adding a playful slug at his chest for emphasis.

"I didn't come to see you anyway, I came to check on Beth - thought I would surprise her.  Besides, you never told me what time we were leaving tomorrow for that barbeque."

"I'm not taking you, you're grounded," she tried to joke.  This was not the way she wanted to explain her jumpiness to Hayden.

"Enough," Beth sounded off - always the one to declare a truce between the siblings.  "Can we go back to bed please?  Eric, we can talk in my room, it's late."

David and Ally returned to bed, Eric followed Kona and Beth into her room while Hayden led Melissa back to hers.  Lying back down on the bed he ran his hand down her face.  "Now, where were we?" but as he pulled her closer, he felt her body trembling.

"Beautiful?  You're shaking..."

"Stupid brother," she mumbled.

The candle still flickered in the room, creating a dim outline of her soft features, but he saw it glisten off the single tear rolling down her cheek.  "Hey," he whispered, wiping it away.  "It's ok, I'm here.  Come closer and snuggle up with me."  Melissa turned over and spooned against him, his arms wrapping around her like armor, protecting her.  "I love you... get some sleep and everything will be ok in the morning.  I promise."

"But..."

"But nothing.  I'm not going anywhere.  Now sleep."

Melissa felt him nuzzle his face next to hers and heard him quietly start humming a song.  "Are you trying to lull me to sleep?"

"Is it working?"

"I think it is, do you sing or just hum?"

"I stick to humming."

"Will you sing for me sometime?"

"Anything for you beautiful, but for now, get some sleep."

Closing her eyes, she listened to the song he had chosen, smiling when she recognized it, adding the words in her head as he hummed.  By the end she couldn't resist and spoke the words along with his melodic tune.  "I could list a million things, I love to like about you... but they all come down to one reason.  I could never live without you..."

"You remembered," he smiled.

"The party after Oscar night... the night you asked me out."

"The night I kissed you for the first time." 

"In case I haven't told you lately...I love you and I'm glad you're here."

"Me too beautiful... me too."

Drawing warmth and comfort from each other, drifting off to sleep to relive their memories as pleasant dreams, the two spent the night wrapped in each others arms.